My first faculty recital came and went on April 1. I realized that my scheduling clashed with Maundy Thursday after the calendar was already set. Next year, I will be very sure to check the Easter calendar before deciding. Although some of my friends couldn't make it, there were many students, faculty and staff who came out to support my recital. I noticed that the audience was super polite (especially the second half) and the hall was totally silent. I could not ask for a better audience.
This was the first recital that I played that was not required of me. I was not playing for a grade, a committee or as part of my job contract. The freedom of not playing to please someone else made a big difference in this recital. I felt very free to experiment with different interpretations, sound colors and technical approach to the recital. I remember that it was in the second half of the recital that it really dawned on me that this recital I'm playing solely because I love performing and I chose to bask in the spotlight at that moment. The spotlight would fade in half an hour :). I really wanted to communicate to the audience that classical piano is an art form, a demanding one. The eleven years of tertiary education to be able to enjoy this moment was all worth it.
This was also the first time that I performed an entire duet sonata in public. It was a great experience to work with my colleague, Connie Donatelli. We had to make adjustments to our individual playing styles to create this ensemble experience. We laughed a lot and an audience member remarked that she was glad that we laughed on stage prior to starting our piece.
I am blessed to have the equipment and the facility to let my imagination be reality. The 9-foot Steinway concert grand which my college owns has barely been broken in and is a beautiful instrument. I call it the luxury race car model of the piano world. It is a piano that most pianists cannot afford and I approach that piano in awe. (If I sell everything I own, including my rental house (which I don't own obviously) I would still not be able to buy this piano.) The Brown Center has wonderful acoustics, a working theater and also the projector equipment. I would not have been able to pull off a video presentation and slide show without the technical equipment in place. Even the simple items like flowers on stage, make a huge difference in setting the mood for the recital.
As for the selections of that evening, John Cage 4'33" was quite a joke to pull off and it was very hard not to laugh for 2 minutes. The final two pieces of the recital were the hardest pieces that I have ever performed. They are not only technically very difficult for a small-handed pianist but demand a maturity for the interpretation, musicality and expression.
Final thoughts: I began my piano performance journey here in the Cowley County area in Kansas as a student at Southwestern College. My freshman year, I dropped my music major because I thought I could not memorize music, had bad stage fright and can't perform. I have to take back every statement I made. I am overjoyed to play my first recital after my doctorate as a piano faculty person back here in Kansas. A different place would not have been as sweet to mark an important milestone in my musical journey. May there be many more performances to come.
Showing posts with label Personal reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal reflections. Show all posts
Monday, April 5, 2010
Thursday, December 24, 2009
New Chapter
It seems that blogging could be just another thing to keep up with. I've not been very good at keeping my blog updated. As I look back on my first semester of teaching, there are some self-observations and things to ponder.
The difficult part about teaching at this college is not mainly academic. My general observation of the students here are that they lack direction in life and are very myopic. (This is true of most freshmen and teenagers, I'm sure.) Being a community college, the lower tuition does attract students who are not as well-off financially and are not as prepared for life (much less college). I remember having a discussion with a friend about the attitude of poverty. I'm thankful for that conversation because I am now observing the effects of that attitude. The students have to work to afford school but their work schedule is affecting school. Some of my students are working 40 hrs a week and working the third shift. At the same time, there are those who are trying their hand at the slots in the casinos, spending (wasting) what little money they have. I had a student who said he's kept track of his wins at the casino and he's ahead by $20. I didn't mince words when I said, "How many hours have you spent there to make $20? I can show you a way to make $20 in one hour." Cruel of me to say that, right? Sad, that it never crossed his mind.
There are also students who have not been parented and I am in the role of a surrogate/foster mom. They have no idea how to care for themselves as they've never been cared for before. I think my An-An is privileged to be my cat. She has the best food (real fish or poultry cooked specially for her), a nice warm bed to sleep in and someone who pays her attention. Most teens do not care about their nutritional intake. I had a few students who were not eating and were not aware of the problems that this behavior will lead too. I dislike lecturing or having to step into the role of MOM but when I talk to them, their ignorance is so apparent and I shock them back into eating.
It is also my first semester teaching aural skills so it was a steep learning curve for me. I never took an aural skills class. The pedagogical challenge in teaching any subject is to present the material and concepts clearly. I discovered that most students lack a systematic approach to dealing with a problem. I am not an advocate of rules or to repeating steps for solving problems, because creative problem solving is the way to go. The students I dealt with had no idea of what exactly they needed to achieve which impedes the problem solving process. The challenge for me was to let them figure out what they could or could not do on their own. We progressed very slowly based on the textbook but we did make solid progress on some basic concepts.
As far as piano teaching went, I taught class piano and applied piano. I didn't have any piano majors (not yet). I last taught class piano at Wichita State and I modeled my syllabus after it. Towards the end of the semester I decided that since it was my class, I shouldn't allow Wichita State's syllabus to dictate the pace and materials covered. It was a sigh of relief for everyone as I postponed the teaching of the black key major scales to Class Piano II which is a new class I am establishing. For applied piano, it was expected that there would be some basic problems to solve and teaching them how a grand piano is different than an upright. I am requesting for a grand piano to be put in my studio next semester.
My other steep learning curve was with student auditions. I do have 10 free rides (tuition and books) to award and I auditioned two students this semester. One was successful, the other is pending because the parent acted inappropriately the entire audition. The student refused the offer to try out the piano which I thought was very strange. The playing was alright, not great (legato, phrasing, voicing & dynamics) but not bad (memory & pedalling). Following the audition, the parent answered every interview question I posed to the student and also openly challenged my teaching ability. I offered to give her child a lesson on her audition piece if she was so concerned that her child would have nothing to gain from studying with me. I also told them they could take my cell phone and find the numbers of several piano profs. I told them one phone call and I can set up another audition for her kid. As I walked them out, I casually asked whether she had played a grand piano before. She said she has never and I chuckled, "That explains your playing." I hated to tell them that playing on a grand is not arrogant behavior because it's like asking a Nascar driver to drive an ordinary car for a race. I will have closed auditions from now on. No one else will be allowed in the room during the audition. I regret I don't fawn over many things and I try to stay emotionally reserved (Now if you're An-An, that's a different story). I came from that afternoon totally exhausted.
I am wondering about why my college asks me to provide dinner or prelude music. I'd rather not because that is something I don't do on a regular basis. I'm neither a gig musician nor do I wish to establish that reputation without establishing my recital capabilities first. I am walking a fine line here. If they sincerely wish for a piano program at this college, then I must be a serious musician and do what most piano majors do. Besides, I want to put my best foot forward and show them what my strengths are. April 1, 2010 will be my debut faculty recital there.
So here's to a good first semester of teaching.
The difficult part about teaching at this college is not mainly academic. My general observation of the students here are that they lack direction in life and are very myopic. (This is true of most freshmen and teenagers, I'm sure.) Being a community college, the lower tuition does attract students who are not as well-off financially and are not as prepared for life (much less college). I remember having a discussion with a friend about the attitude of poverty. I'm thankful for that conversation because I am now observing the effects of that attitude. The students have to work to afford school but their work schedule is affecting school. Some of my students are working 40 hrs a week and working the third shift. At the same time, there are those who are trying their hand at the slots in the casinos, spending (wasting) what little money they have. I had a student who said he's kept track of his wins at the casino and he's ahead by $20. I didn't mince words when I said, "How many hours have you spent there to make $20? I can show you a way to make $20 in one hour." Cruel of me to say that, right? Sad, that it never crossed his mind.
There are also students who have not been parented and I am in the role of a surrogate/foster mom. They have no idea how to care for themselves as they've never been cared for before. I think my An-An is privileged to be my cat. She has the best food (real fish or poultry cooked specially for her), a nice warm bed to sleep in and someone who pays her attention. Most teens do not care about their nutritional intake. I had a few students who were not eating and were not aware of the problems that this behavior will lead too. I dislike lecturing or having to step into the role of MOM but when I talk to them, their ignorance is so apparent and I shock them back into eating.
It is also my first semester teaching aural skills so it was a steep learning curve for me. I never took an aural skills class. The pedagogical challenge in teaching any subject is to present the material and concepts clearly. I discovered that most students lack a systematic approach to dealing with a problem. I am not an advocate of rules or to repeating steps for solving problems, because creative problem solving is the way to go. The students I dealt with had no idea of what exactly they needed to achieve which impedes the problem solving process. The challenge for me was to let them figure out what they could or could not do on their own. We progressed very slowly based on the textbook but we did make solid progress on some basic concepts.
As far as piano teaching went, I taught class piano and applied piano. I didn't have any piano majors (not yet). I last taught class piano at Wichita State and I modeled my syllabus after it. Towards the end of the semester I decided that since it was my class, I shouldn't allow Wichita State's syllabus to dictate the pace and materials covered. It was a sigh of relief for everyone as I postponed the teaching of the black key major scales to Class Piano II which is a new class I am establishing. For applied piano, it was expected that there would be some basic problems to solve and teaching them how a grand piano is different than an upright. I am requesting for a grand piano to be put in my studio next semester.
My other steep learning curve was with student auditions. I do have 10 free rides (tuition and books) to award and I auditioned two students this semester. One was successful, the other is pending because the parent acted inappropriately the entire audition. The student refused the offer to try out the piano which I thought was very strange. The playing was alright, not great (legato, phrasing, voicing & dynamics) but not bad (memory & pedalling). Following the audition, the parent answered every interview question I posed to the student and also openly challenged my teaching ability. I offered to give her child a lesson on her audition piece if she was so concerned that her child would have nothing to gain from studying with me. I also told them they could take my cell phone and find the numbers of several piano profs. I told them one phone call and I can set up another audition for her kid. As I walked them out, I casually asked whether she had played a grand piano before. She said she has never and I chuckled, "That explains your playing." I hated to tell them that playing on a grand is not arrogant behavior because it's like asking a Nascar driver to drive an ordinary car for a race. I will have closed auditions from now on. No one else will be allowed in the room during the audition. I regret I don't fawn over many things and I try to stay emotionally reserved (Now if you're An-An, that's a different story). I came from that afternoon totally exhausted.
I am wondering about why my college asks me to provide dinner or prelude music. I'd rather not because that is something I don't do on a regular basis. I'm neither a gig musician nor do I wish to establish that reputation without establishing my recital capabilities first. I am walking a fine line here. If they sincerely wish for a piano program at this college, then I must be a serious musician and do what most piano majors do. Besides, I want to put my best foot forward and show them what my strengths are. April 1, 2010 will be my debut faculty recital there.
So here's to a good first semester of teaching.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Last DMA recital
I finished playing my last DMA recital a couple weeks ago. It is rather surreal that it is over because I didn't feel like I was prepared for this series. I did not manage to have full practice recitals prior to the official recital on April 4. On top of that, I fell pretty sick with a bad cold and cough five days before the recital. I was thankful it wasn't the flu or tonsillitis but I was taking a good cocktail of drugs to get me through the week.
I had planned a rather ambitious program for the recital. Here is the order of my program:
Lin Yue Pei, Kang Ding Love Song
Antonio Soler, Sonata in E minor and Sonata in G major
Beethoven, Sonata in E minor, op. 90
Chopin, Barcarolle op. 60
Grainger, Beautiful Fresh Flower
Tcherepnin, "Chant" from Five Chinese Concert Etudes, op. 52
Schumann, Papillons, op. 2
Stephen Hough/Deng Yu-Sian, Pining for the Spring Breeze
Arensky, Etude on a Chinese Theme, op. 25 no. 3
April 4 did roll around and it was the first afternoon recital I had played. I felt like abandoning my own recital and crawling back into bed. I'm not sure whether this was due to being sick, having a hangover from the cough medicine or not feeling ready. I really did not want to be in the spotlight that afternoon. I had planned the recital fairly meticulously - posters, flowers (stage and foyer), program & notes, display (foyer), reception venue and menu, dress and everything. I had friends who helped and sponsors for the reception. I could feel the effects of the drugs as I felt my brain was not as alert. I just played the recital for me, if not for anyone else and just told myself "you can do this, one piece at a time". I am pleased with the recital, mistakes and all. When I walked out after the last piece, I said to myself, "It's over, it is finally over".
I played at Southwestern College in Winfield Kansas on April 13. I had a great time playing for my Winfield family although I was fairly worn out from writing my document. Never write a document/dissertation and play a recital at the same time. I was an introvert that evening, and again just played for me. I noticed the hall was dead silent and I knew I had their attention. It's easy and difficult to play at SC. They've heard me since my junior recital, so I better have improved or bring something new to the table each time. I think I played with better control, tone production and expressivity, but I will need to review the video and see.
I learned a lot from the recitals, maybe not really about piano playing as much as I learned about myself. I love performing now and have overcome my fear of being on stage. My perfectionism is surrendered and I am comfortable with my shortcomings. There is and always will be room for improvement. There is and always will be someone who plays better (and there are many out there!). I am just called to be a good steward of the measure which has been given to me, no more and no less.
With that said, I'm disappearing from the stage for some time. I may take the opportunity to retrain and fix some of my basic problems. It would alleviate the frustration I have had at the piano and allow me to reassess my piano playing. Don't worry, I'll keep playing at home!
I had planned a rather ambitious program for the recital. Here is the order of my program:
Lin Yue Pei, Kang Ding Love Song
Antonio Soler, Sonata in E minor and Sonata in G major
Beethoven, Sonata in E minor, op. 90
Chopin, Barcarolle op. 60
Grainger, Beautiful Fresh Flower
Tcherepnin, "Chant" from Five Chinese Concert Etudes, op. 52
Schumann, Papillons, op. 2
Stephen Hough/Deng Yu-Sian, Pining for the Spring Breeze
Arensky, Etude on a Chinese Theme, op. 25 no. 3
April 4 did roll around and it was the first afternoon recital I had played. I felt like abandoning my own recital and crawling back into bed. I'm not sure whether this was due to being sick, having a hangover from the cough medicine or not feeling ready. I really did not want to be in the spotlight that afternoon. I had planned the recital fairly meticulously - posters, flowers (stage and foyer), program & notes, display (foyer), reception venue and menu, dress and everything. I had friends who helped and sponsors for the reception. I could feel the effects of the drugs as I felt my brain was not as alert. I just played the recital for me, if not for anyone else and just told myself "you can do this, one piece at a time". I am pleased with the recital, mistakes and all. When I walked out after the last piece, I said to myself, "It's over, it is finally over".
I played at Southwestern College in Winfield Kansas on April 13. I had a great time playing for my Winfield family although I was fairly worn out from writing my document. Never write a document/dissertation and play a recital at the same time. I was an introvert that evening, and again just played for me. I noticed the hall was dead silent and I knew I had their attention. It's easy and difficult to play at SC. They've heard me since my junior recital, so I better have improved or bring something new to the table each time. I think I played with better control, tone production and expressivity, but I will need to review the video and see.
I learned a lot from the recitals, maybe not really about piano playing as much as I learned about myself. I love performing now and have overcome my fear of being on stage. My perfectionism is surrendered and I am comfortable with my shortcomings. There is and always will be room for improvement. There is and always will be someone who plays better (and there are many out there!). I am just called to be a good steward of the measure which has been given to me, no more and no less.
With that said, I'm disappearing from the stage for some time. I may take the opportunity to retrain and fix some of my basic problems. It would alleviate the frustration I have had at the piano and allow me to reassess my piano playing. Don't worry, I'll keep playing at home!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
DMA: The most important thing I learned
It hit me about twenty minutes ago. I think the extrovert in me is back in full. I've been an introvert for all eleven years of higher ed. My DMA taught me that I am not an introvert! Priceless, right?
Earlier this evening, I danced on the Quad alone, while others watched. Never did that before in my life! I have never hated being at home, in front of my computer all day than these few weeks. Tonight is tough for the extrovert in me. There's ballroom and salsa dancing on the Quad. My China gang is out for dinner and more dancing at El Rincon. What do I have to do? Edit the document so the "first" draft can be submitted tomorrow. I would prefer planning tomorrow's guest lecture on Cultural Revolution art and music for HY 504. That is way more exciting.
Yes, I found out about more red tape than I wish to care about concerning committee meetings and the like. Duh, I should have known there must be a meeting for the first draft but nobody said anything and it isn't posted anywhere. I wish the School of Music had its own checklist for graduate students writing documents. I found out more about the process through the women's support group I'm in. (Yes, I joined a support group and it's been very informational. No one has been emotional or just complaining. We share all the information we have about research, shortcuts, computers and the like. I heard some guys want to join us but they should start their own.)
It's almost done. Two more weeks of this and I'll put my dance shoes back on!
The answer to your question about what I am going to do next? I'll exaggerate on what I said on my master's commencement since this is the doctorate: I join the ranks of the unemployed, but I have an even brighter future!! (Now I should print that on t-shirts and sell it at commencement ceremonies come May. Could make a buck or two *wink*)
Earlier this evening, I danced on the Quad alone, while others watched. Never did that before in my life! I have never hated being at home, in front of my computer all day than these few weeks. Tonight is tough for the extrovert in me. There's ballroom and salsa dancing on the Quad. My China gang is out for dinner and more dancing at El Rincon. What do I have to do? Edit the document so the "first" draft can be submitted tomorrow. I would prefer planning tomorrow's guest lecture on Cultural Revolution art and music for HY 504. That is way more exciting.
Yes, I found out about more red tape than I wish to care about concerning committee meetings and the like. Duh, I should have known there must be a meeting for the first draft but nobody said anything and it isn't posted anywhere. I wish the School of Music had its own checklist for graduate students writing documents. I found out more about the process through the women's support group I'm in. (Yes, I joined a support group and it's been very informational. No one has been emotional or just complaining. We share all the information we have about research, shortcuts, computers and the like. I heard some guys want to join us but they should start their own.)
It's almost done. Two more weeks of this and I'll put my dance shoes back on!
The answer to your question about what I am going to do next? I'll exaggerate on what I said on my master's commencement since this is the doctorate: I join the ranks of the unemployed, but I have an even brighter future!! (Now I should print that on t-shirts and sell it at commencement ceremonies come May. Could make a buck or two *wink*)
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Dance and I
I have been thinking about this subject for the past few months. I wonder how directly or indirectly dancing has influenced my piano playing. I finally had the chance to review the video recording of the last recital in Winfield. I couldn't help but notice the motions and timing of the phrases. Of course, they have been consciously (theoretically and historically studied) planned but often times the actual performance is not what I intended. For the first time, the outcome matched my intentions. Certainly in the playing the piano, I could take on another character but often times I am unwilling to let myself do it.
I wonder whether the long hidden extrovert is finally coming alive again. I think I have suppressed that side of me for sometime now. I know for sure dancing has given me a great outlet and enlarged my circle of friends here in AL. It has improved my coordination and keeps me in better shape. It takes a certain amount of self-confidence and courage to get on the dance floor when it's not contra! If my former roomie is correct, I love attention but hate to admit it. I guess if I do enjoy performing, it means about the same thing. :)
I don't really have a favorite dance. I really enjoy contra because it involves a whole group and it is not exclusive. You end up dancing with everyone and it doesn't matter whether you're a beginner or an expert, everyone has a great time. I like a good partner who can swing properly, I don't mind a fast twirl. Even though it looks like everyone is doing the same thing, a lot of us improvise within the dance. When it gets close to recital time, I wear my wrist brace to contra since some people don't allemande properly. I like Celtic and bluegrass music for down time so it's my cup of tea.
Ballroom is a different game .. I like it for different reasons. It's more ... like my former dean said.. "even your leisure time is structured!". I guess I'll get to wear my recital dresses more often, although at times I just don't want to be dressed up. I have found out that people watch other people on the dance floor. Scary! Half the time I don't know what I'm doing. Oops.. I'm not allowed to say I don't know how to dance anymore. I get asked often so maybe I do know how to dance. I have been blessed with the opportunity to dance with good partners. Most of my lessons occur on the dance floor. One thing I know, if he leads, I'll follow. (It would be frustrating to dance with someone who doesn't.) It's been a good experience coming out of my shell.
In the meantime, I'll have fun turning every pair of shoes upside down to find leather soles ;)
I wonder whether the long hidden extrovert is finally coming alive again. I think I have suppressed that side of me for sometime now. I know for sure dancing has given me a great outlet and enlarged my circle of friends here in AL. It has improved my coordination and keeps me in better shape. It takes a certain amount of self-confidence and courage to get on the dance floor when it's not contra! If my former roomie is correct, I love attention but hate to admit it. I guess if I do enjoy performing, it means about the same thing. :)
I don't really have a favorite dance. I really enjoy contra because it involves a whole group and it is not exclusive. You end up dancing with everyone and it doesn't matter whether you're a beginner or an expert, everyone has a great time. I like a good partner who can swing properly, I don't mind a fast twirl. Even though it looks like everyone is doing the same thing, a lot of us improvise within the dance. When it gets close to recital time, I wear my wrist brace to contra since some people don't allemande properly. I like Celtic and bluegrass music for down time so it's my cup of tea.
I would love to dance some more international folk. I know it would help my sense of rhythm when it comes to changing meters and assymetric rhythms. I finally feel comfortable with 5/8 and 7/8 time signatures after the sessions with Daniela Ivanova. This would definitely help my sight-reading at the piano. Hopefully, I can teach some of these to my world music students.
Ballroom is a different game .. I like it for different reasons. It's more ... like my former dean said.. "even your leisure time is structured!". I guess I'll get to wear my recital dresses more often, although at times I just don't want to be dressed up. I have found out that people watch other people on the dance floor. Scary! Half the time I don't know what I'm doing. Oops.. I'm not allowed to say I don't know how to dance anymore. I get asked often so maybe I do know how to dance. I have been blessed with the opportunity to dance with good partners. Most of my lessons occur on the dance floor. One thing I know, if he leads, I'll follow. (It would be frustrating to dance with someone who doesn't.) It's been a good experience coming out of my shell.
In the meantime, I'll have fun turning every pair of shoes upside down to find leather soles ;)
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Perceptions: After the Recital
I am shocked! It’s surreal. I still don’t believe it. The feedback and comments I have received are a far cry from what I perceived the recital to be. I knew I have been playing well these past few weeks but whether I had improved or regressed, only the Winfield recital would reveal.
I was very surprised to hear some of the comments. I don’t often blow my own trumpet here on this blog. Some of the comments I received include:
- You had the audience in the palm of your hand for most of the time
- You kept the audience on the edge of their seat wondering what would happen next
- We have not heard that piano sound so beautiful for some time
- We were breathless and it was breathtaking.
- Your playing lifted my spirits.
- You have grown so much and now you don’t just play the piano, you are the instrument.
- You played an incredible, fabulous, wonderful, great, etc. recital!
- You’re finally playing at the doctoral level.
I had to wait to meet with my former piano professor to find out what exactly happened. I am glad he pointed out a lot of the things I did. I hope he puts them in an email because I still have a hard time letting it sink in. I’m playing with a good full tone. I’m taking more time and freedom at the piano. There was a certain serene and calm quality about the Schubert that was projected to the audience. I’m also finally giving myself a little more and the extrovert is slowly coming back. There is much more personality in my playing now. Perhaps dancing has helped my playing and performing.
With my curiosity peaked, I watched the DVD of my U of Alabama recital and I shocked myself. I have to wait to get home to review the Winfield recital. I already know it is the best recital of the five. To enjoy being on stage again, to be really calm in a recital and to love the piano again, confirm that the change of teachers was the correct decision. Now with all these experiences behind me, I’m ready for the next set of challenges and a new chapter at UA.
I was very surprised to hear some of the comments. I don’t often blow my own trumpet here on this blog. Some of the comments I received include:
- You had the audience in the palm of your hand for most of the time
- You kept the audience on the edge of their seat wondering what would happen next
- We have not heard that piano sound so beautiful for some time
- We were breathless and it was breathtaking.
- Your playing lifted my spirits.
- You have grown so much and now you don’t just play the piano, you are the instrument.
- You played an incredible, fabulous, wonderful, great, etc. recital!
- You’re finally playing at the doctoral level.
I had to wait to meet with my former piano professor to find out what exactly happened. I am glad he pointed out a lot of the things I did. I hope he puts them in an email because I still have a hard time letting it sink in. I’m playing with a good full tone. I’m taking more time and freedom at the piano. There was a certain serene and calm quality about the Schubert that was projected to the audience. I’m also finally giving myself a little more and the extrovert is slowly coming back. There is much more personality in my playing now. Perhaps dancing has helped my playing and performing.
With my curiosity peaked, I watched the DVD of my U of Alabama recital and I shocked myself. I have to wait to get home to review the Winfield recital. I already know it is the best recital of the five. To enjoy being on stage again, to be really calm in a recital and to love the piano again, confirm that the change of teachers was the correct decision. Now with all these experiences behind me, I’m ready for the next set of challenges and a new chapter at UA.
End of another recital series
The end of another chapter... Funny the suggestion to blog came from one of my piano teachers. It is almost surreal to hear some of the comments about my recent recitals. I am having a difficult time coming to terms with what I perceived and still perceive, and comparing those to the feedback.
It was good to perform at SC again and get reacquainted with the piano in Messenger. After many years away and playing on different pianos, I could now detect some of the strengths and weaknesses of that piano. I struggled with the dynamic level of the piano and that it wouldn’t play any louder. I knew I had to bring my level of dynamics down to match it but still play with a nice tone. I have been working diligently to play with a full tone without pressing or being wimpy.
Tuesday October 23rd was a strange day for me. I was pretty tired from the weekend and an overcast sky the day before didn’t help. I did not practice as much as I intended to the few days prior to the recital because I had so many people to see and catch up with. I studied the score when I had a chance. I had a headache for most of the day but decided to continue with my recital routine. I have found out that evening recitals work best for me as I am able to take a nap in the afternoon. The ability to be relaxed enough to sleep is a blessing!
Prior to the recital I told myself, I just needed to have 95% accuracy tonight and allowed myself room for failure and mistakes. It was great to have Meagan help with my dress and getting my hair pinned properly. Fun times! I was pretty pleased with the Bach Capriccio although the fugue had some slips due to unexpected (expected) interruptions from the audience. I have had two note perfect performances of the same fugue but both weren’t recorded so I can let this one go.
Debussy was a challenge to play at SC. I have memories of myself being the awkward teenager there and how was I supposed to project the sensual. At the same time, I knew without sensuality and languidity the pieces would be a flop. I had a great time playing the first two movements but somehow struggled with the third. I left the stage feeling pretty discouraged for whatever reason. I collected myself at intermission and reminded myself that I had successfully completed 4 recitals, tonight would be no different. I wanted the adrenaline and excitement of a bigger audience but the people that cared about me were already out there. I couldn’t and shouldn’t ask for more.
Just before walking out to play the Schubert, I had this attack of “what ifs”. What if I forget? What if I mess up this or that? I looked back on the journey for this sonata, from the moment I decided to program this, learning and fighting for it. I had fought hard to perform this piece musically and emotionally. It is because of this piece that I met many people, had many discussions, listened to umpteen recordings and shed a lot of tears. It would be a waste to lose heart at the last recital of the series. I immersed myself in this very reflective state and started the piece, just the piano and I. The one thing I noticed is there was always dead silence in the hall; not a chair squeaked, not an audible breath, especially at the end of the first two movements.
I ended the recital securely and went on to greeting my guests. For the first time, I had to walk around and compose myself after a recital. I wasn’t quite ready to meet everyone and hear the feedback. I thought it had gone okay only.
It was good to perform at SC again and get reacquainted with the piano in Messenger. After many years away and playing on different pianos, I could now detect some of the strengths and weaknesses of that piano. I struggled with the dynamic level of the piano and that it wouldn’t play any louder. I knew I had to bring my level of dynamics down to match it but still play with a nice tone. I have been working diligently to play with a full tone without pressing or being wimpy.
Tuesday October 23rd was a strange day for me. I was pretty tired from the weekend and an overcast sky the day before didn’t help. I did not practice as much as I intended to the few days prior to the recital because I had so many people to see and catch up with. I studied the score when I had a chance. I had a headache for most of the day but decided to continue with my recital routine. I have found out that evening recitals work best for me as I am able to take a nap in the afternoon. The ability to be relaxed enough to sleep is a blessing!
Prior to the recital I told myself, I just needed to have 95% accuracy tonight and allowed myself room for failure and mistakes. It was great to have Meagan help with my dress and getting my hair pinned properly. Fun times! I was pretty pleased with the Bach Capriccio although the fugue had some slips due to unexpected (expected) interruptions from the audience. I have had two note perfect performances of the same fugue but both weren’t recorded so I can let this one go.
Debussy was a challenge to play at SC. I have memories of myself being the awkward teenager there and how was I supposed to project the sensual. At the same time, I knew without sensuality and languidity the pieces would be a flop. I had a great time playing the first two movements but somehow struggled with the third. I left the stage feeling pretty discouraged for whatever reason. I collected myself at intermission and reminded myself that I had successfully completed 4 recitals, tonight would be no different. I wanted the adrenaline and excitement of a bigger audience but the people that cared about me were already out there. I couldn’t and shouldn’t ask for more.
Just before walking out to play the Schubert, I had this attack of “what ifs”. What if I forget? What if I mess up this or that? I looked back on the journey for this sonata, from the moment I decided to program this, learning and fighting for it. I had fought hard to perform this piece musically and emotionally. It is because of this piece that I met many people, had many discussions, listened to umpteen recordings and shed a lot of tears. It would be a waste to lose heart at the last recital of the series. I immersed myself in this very reflective state and started the piece, just the piano and I. The one thing I noticed is there was always dead silence in the hall; not a chair squeaked, not an audible breath, especially at the end of the first two movements.
I ended the recital securely and went on to greeting my guests. For the first time, I had to walk around and compose myself after a recital. I wasn’t quite ready to meet everyone and hear the feedback. I thought it had gone okay only.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
DMA - Still Doesn't Mean Anything?
I have been thinking a lot lately, yes, actually thinking. Since the infamous March 9, I have been thinking.
In this period of slightly more than a month, I have read and studied more books, of which only 2 were fiction, listened and studied more piano pieces. Also, I am almost finished with memorizing pieces for my recital. I am researching and looking into more resources for projects which have been put on hold for the past 2 years. I can finally indulge in some academic cravings.
It is also amazing what stress can push the body to do. Now, that my body is no longer charged with adrenaline and perhaps the levels are normal, I am sleeping earlier and much better. I have decided to not rush anywhere and be only on time for classes. Every other activity is optional and I won't make a decision until I absolutely need to.
The MTNA conference in Toronto was a blast. It was great to meet and be with wonderful musicians, and find people that are affirming. Malcolm Bilson, Seymour Bernstein and Peter Takacs gave wonderful presentations. Practice techniques and medical issues were also discussed. (Horses and dogs are smarter than we are at times). Being with familiar friends was definitely very refreshing, since these people have known me since I was still a teen. Free books are also a plus. I had so many freebies, I had no space left to bring anything else back.
Now, I have to make the "Doesn't Mean Anything", mean something to someone. Hopefully I'll convince myself first and then sell it to an employer. All about jumping hoops and navigating the course, huh? 2 recitals, 2 proposals - 1 lecture and 1 document. The countdown is on!
In this period of slightly more than a month, I have read and studied more books, of which only 2 were fiction, listened and studied more piano pieces. Also, I am almost finished with memorizing pieces for my recital. I am researching and looking into more resources for projects which have been put on hold for the past 2 years. I can finally indulge in some academic cravings.
It is also amazing what stress can push the body to do. Now, that my body is no longer charged with adrenaline and perhaps the levels are normal, I am sleeping earlier and much better. I have decided to not rush anywhere and be only on time for classes. Every other activity is optional and I won't make a decision until I absolutely need to.
The MTNA conference in Toronto was a blast. It was great to meet and be with wonderful musicians, and find people that are affirming. Malcolm Bilson, Seymour Bernstein and Peter Takacs gave wonderful presentations. Practice techniques and medical issues were also discussed. (Horses and dogs are smarter than we are at times). Being with familiar friends was definitely very refreshing, since these people have known me since I was still a teen. Free books are also a plus. I had so many freebies, I had no space left to bring anything else back.
Now, I have to make the "Doesn't Mean Anything", mean something to someone. Hopefully I'll convince myself first and then sell it to an employer. All about jumping hoops and navigating the course, huh? 2 recitals, 2 proposals - 1 lecture and 1 document. The countdown is on!
Friday, March 30, 2007
The Non-Conformists
Toronto ON, Canada:
I attended a session on Latin-American music and its rhythms at the MTNA/CFTMA Collaborative Conference last week. Although the session wasn't extremely interesting to me, I learned something about myself.
This was a Dalcroze-eurhythmics class in a nutshell and the participants had to move to music. Musicians are often stereotyped to be the non-conformists in society BUT when 40 musicians are in the same room together, they will again conform within themselves. When our presenter asked us to walk to the music, almost by instinct we walked in a circle (counter-clockwise). It made sense cos we utilized the largest amount of space.
Then she said, "I didn't mean to walk in circles, I just want you to walk." At that point, a few of us (yours truly included) turned and walked clockwise, against the grain. Gradually, this small group became more and more adventurous, walking diagonally across the room, zigzagging, and walking in between & against all the others who were still in the circle. I could not help by whispering to another music teacher, "You can tell who the non-conformists are in this room, can't you?" We both laughed!
I am a non-conformist (hahahahaha) and the thing that struck me was that I was not afraid of breaking up the circle. In fact, I was encouraging other people to break out of the "rut". I remember people have to dodge us and avoid colliding with us. As the exercise progressed, there were more and more people that were willing to move randomly. I did not stay to the end of the presentation but in this short 15 minutes, I discovered another part of myself.
I attended a session on Latin-American music and its rhythms at the MTNA/CFTMA Collaborative Conference last week. Although the session wasn't extremely interesting to me, I learned something about myself.
This was a Dalcroze-eurhythmics class in a nutshell and the participants had to move to music. Musicians are often stereotyped to be the non-conformists in society BUT when 40 musicians are in the same room together, they will again conform within themselves. When our presenter asked us to walk to the music, almost by instinct we walked in a circle (counter-clockwise). It made sense cos we utilized the largest amount of space.
Then she said, "I didn't mean to walk in circles, I just want you to walk." At that point, a few of us (yours truly included) turned and walked clockwise, against the grain. Gradually, this small group became more and more adventurous, walking diagonally across the room, zigzagging, and walking in between & against all the others who were still in the circle. I could not help by whispering to another music teacher, "You can tell who the non-conformists are in this room, can't you?" We both laughed!
I am a non-conformist (hahahahaha) and the thing that struck me was that I was not afraid of breaking up the circle. In fact, I was encouraging other people to break out of the "rut". I remember people have to dodge us and avoid colliding with us. As the exercise progressed, there were more and more people that were willing to move randomly. I did not stay to the end of the presentation but in this short 15 minutes, I discovered another part of myself.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Too much of a good thing?
I have not blogged this year. Too many things have happened and time has flown by. This blog may be quite random.
I have met quite a few wonderful people in the past week including several acclaimed musicians, the composer Mario Davidovsky and other profs who are involved in Asian studies. Meeting these people, talking to them and attending their lectures was like being at an oasis in the desert. All these great experiences are now difficult to relive, as I can now COMPARE ... what a scary word!
I feel like I have been starved and I'm getting stuck in a rut. I miss the intellectual & philosophical discussions I used to have with my professors. I miss piano lessons. I miss reading for the love of it. I miss having a brain. I am a human BEING. I hope I've not morphed into a human doing.. There is such a push in my dept to do and do and do. There is neither time for reflection, nor a wisdom of discerning the important from the urgent. Nothing has time to mature and go deeper beyond the surface.
I have met quite a few wonderful people in the past week including several acclaimed musicians, the composer Mario Davidovsky and other profs who are involved in Asian studies. Meeting these people, talking to them and attending their lectures was like being at an oasis in the desert. All these great experiences are now difficult to relive, as I can now COMPARE ... what a scary word!
I feel like I have been starved and I'm getting stuck in a rut. I miss the intellectual & philosophical discussions I used to have with my professors. I miss piano lessons. I miss reading for the love of it. I miss having a brain. I am a human BEING. I hope I've not morphed into a human doing.. There is such a push in my dept to do and do and do. There is neither time for reflection, nor a wisdom of discerning the important from the urgent. Nothing has time to mature and go deeper beyond the surface.
I have three weeks to my comprehensive exam. I look forward to getting this hurdle out of the way. For the second time (only), I will skip a week of school in March and head to Toronto. I hope to regain some sense of focus and sanity with a two-week break. What matters in the long run for me is that I finish this DMA (doesn't mean anything) and resume my goals. For now, they will be on hold.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
A few more hats
Florist - that I didn't know
Vocal coach - yeah, I coach a 12 yr old
Seasoned traveler - I think I earned the title after being stuck in O'Hare again! Ditched my original routing, requested to be flown to Memphis, spent the night, got a free ticket for volunteering to take later flight to Memphis, had to beg a rental car company to rent me a car, drove 4 hrs to Birmingham, found out luggage missing, had to be picked up from Birmingham. Didn't recognize Tuscaloosa when I got back! Got my luggage about 3 days later.
Vocal coach - yeah, I coach a 12 yr old
Seasoned traveler - I think I earned the title after being stuck in O'Hare again! Ditched my original routing, requested to be flown to Memphis, spent the night, got a free ticket for volunteering to take later flight to Memphis, had to beg a rental car company to rent me a car, drove 4 hrs to Birmingham, found out luggage missing, had to be picked up from Birmingham. Didn't recognize Tuscaloosa when I got back! Got my luggage about 3 days later.
Sunday, February 5, 2006
I Wear Many Hats
Child of God!
Daughter, and sister. Soon to be bridesmaid. :) :)
Student: University of Alabama
Teacher: Music Appreciation & private piano students
Pianist & accompanist, perhaps a performer now and then.
President & amateur dancer: UA Contradance Society
Secretary and Assistant: My Dad and Mrs Penick
Liason, Fundraiser: Between USA and Malaysia for Kampar Wesley
Event Manager-in-training: Dr. Trechak's upcoming recitals in Singapore and Malaysia leading to Tour Guide.
Christmas Elf: The Hendrixs
Driver: Elwira (until she gets her car which we are shopping for)
Alumna: Southwestern College & Wichita State University
The Answer and Homework Tutor: Atonal Theory class
Miss Have-it-all (salt, sugar, tape, scissors, chocolate etc etc): GTA office
Friend to many I hope.
Nicole, you once said life is like juggling. I didn't know I'm juggling that many right now. :)
Daughter, and sister. Soon to be bridesmaid. :) :)
Student: University of Alabama
Teacher: Music Appreciation & private piano students
Pianist & accompanist, perhaps a performer now and then.
President & amateur dancer: UA Contradance Society
Secretary and Assistant: My Dad and Mrs Penick
Liason, Fundraiser: Between USA and Malaysia for Kampar Wesley
Event Manager-in-training: Dr. Trechak's upcoming recitals in Singapore and Malaysia leading to Tour Guide.
Christmas Elf: The Hendrixs
Driver: Elwira (until she gets her car which we are shopping for)
Alumna: Southwestern College & Wichita State University
The Answer and Homework Tutor: Atonal Theory class
Miss Have-it-all (salt, sugar, tape, scissors, chocolate etc etc): GTA office
Friend to many I hope.
Nicole, you once said life is like juggling. I didn't know I'm juggling that many right now. :)
Monday, January 16, 2006
Of grace
I am at UA because God was and is gracious.
I have friends here because God is gracious.
I play the piano because God gave me grace to do so.
I perform because God gave me the grace to do so.
I study because God gave me the grace to do so.
I teach because God gave me the grace to do so.
God grant me grace to accept myself & the things I cannot change :)
I have friends here because God is gracious.
I play the piano because God gave me grace to do so.
I perform because God gave me the grace to do so.
I study because God gave me the grace to do so.
I teach because God gave me the grace to do so.
God grant me grace to accept myself & the things I cannot change :)
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Did I Really Do That?
I have had more feedback about my playing in Grace UMC in Winfield on Mother's Day. I recorded my ecstatic feelings that day in an earlier post. I don't think the performance was recorded but I will always remember the feeling.
A couple weekends ago, my godmother threw me a farewell party in Winfield as I'm going to leave pretty soon. I overheard that there were people that cried after I finished playing Beethoven's Rondo at church. It leaves me to wonder as to why they did.The pastor later told me he cried and there were a few teary eyes in the congregation. He said the music was so beautiful and it was almost unbelievable.
I am pleased that I communicated to my listeners. To me it is the most important thing in performing. But what was it that came across to them? I did wear my heart on my sleeve that day and I gave it all I had, since I thought it was the last I would play of that piece. However I wasn't going to throw my music out the window.. not that church anyway since there are really nice stained glass ;) I will always cherish that performance of the Rondo (which wasn't my favorite piece of my grad recital) as it was a spring board to a nice, secure audition. I think I gained a lot of confidence back in that 4 1/2 minutes.
So did someone else in the congregation... It happened that a gal is learning the Granados waltz that I chose to play. The 1st waltz from Valses Poeticos is a piece I like to play very late at night.. usually past midnight. It made her day that it was something I chose to program. Her mom said that she said.. Gloria played it so I must not be doing too bad. Ah put on a pedestal.. ah! I guess I must have hit more notes correctly than I thought.
I look forward to putting another program together and will anticipate my next "Winfield" experience.
A couple weekends ago, my godmother threw me a farewell party in Winfield as I'm going to leave pretty soon. I overheard that there were people that cried after I finished playing Beethoven's Rondo at church. It leaves me to wonder as to why they did.The pastor later told me he cried and there were a few teary eyes in the congregation. He said the music was so beautiful and it was almost unbelievable.
I am pleased that I communicated to my listeners. To me it is the most important thing in performing. But what was it that came across to them? I did wear my heart on my sleeve that day and I gave it all I had, since I thought it was the last I would play of that piece. However I wasn't going to throw my music out the window.. not that church anyway since there are really nice stained glass ;) I will always cherish that performance of the Rondo (which wasn't my favorite piece of my grad recital) as it was a spring board to a nice, secure audition. I think I gained a lot of confidence back in that 4 1/2 minutes.
So did someone else in the congregation... It happened that a gal is learning the Granados waltz that I chose to play. The 1st waltz from Valses Poeticos is a piece I like to play very late at night.. usually past midnight. It made her day that it was something I chose to program. Her mom said that she said.. Gloria played it so I must not be doing too bad. Ah put on a pedestal.. ah! I guess I must have hit more notes correctly than I thought.
I look forward to putting another program together and will anticipate my next "Winfield" experience.
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