Conviction or spite?

I have had an interesting experience and observation last semester. A student I accompany had decided on some interpretation of his song in a certain manner. I do not fully disagree with those choices but I really felt the motivation behind them was to be questioned.

I had a rough day during juries because the voice and piano juries were scheduled on the same day (afternoon). I must have been worried subconsciously and I clenched my teeth the whole night causing excruciating pain in one side of my jaw and face. Not to mention, one side of my body was so tensed, it hurt to walk. I played an okay jury, not my best but not my worst either. I don't really recall much of my playing as I took a good amount of painkillers.

Running low on adrenaline, my patience & self-control was really tested. I couldn't stand this student boasting about how he was going to make someone mad because of the way he was going to perform his song. I asked him, "Why are you doing that?" He told me it was to make someone mad, and I repeated my question, "You didn't answer my question, why are you doing that? What is your musical reasoning and backing?" I told him that I wouldn't perform a piece a certain way if I had no conviction musically, historically and personally. I certainly would not perform it out of spite as that is besides the point. If someone gets upset at me for performing something a certain way, I'll be glad to hear him/her out but I had no intentions of making somebody mad. I did say it is rather foolish to get involved or to be used in someone's agenda. I said to him firmly that I will not be involved in the politics of the dept and I want no part in it (perhaps he should find another accompanist).

During his jury, I was not surprised that the little slips occured where he was only doing what he was told. There is no confidence where there is no conviction. Later that evening, I went to the contradance and shared this with someone else. He mentioned that Abe Lincoln said the same thing. Never do something out of spite. This peacemaking business is hard. I hope in some ways I am peacemaking instead of rousing more trouble. I wish people would just learn to get along and to put aside petty differences.

Teaching Music Appreciation

I am now teaching instead of accompanying at the University of Alabama. The news was somewhat expected but I was relieved and overjoyed when it was confirmed. I have two sections of MUS 121 Introduction to Listening with around 130 students in each class. Many of my friends think I'll be less stressed about teaching, but my straightforward answer is no. This is a different kind of stress but it is positive.

I guess I again make the transition to be faculty-in-training from being an accompanist. I have to learn the registration system because of student requests and also I hope to learn to use the web/technology resources available to me. It is definitely going to be a learning experience in handling a lecture-style class and also with so many students.

I am glad I am a somewhat organized person and managed to get my syllabus to the copy center in time. My set of textbook and CDs did not get to me until the day before classes started. My pack rat nature landed me a previous edition of the textbook a few years ago so I am familiar with the material. I look forward to sharing music history, pieces and other tidbits to my students. I'm sure some of them are not as enthusiastic as I am about this course, but I guess they are the ones on the losing end.

Settling into a schedule will be great! I already have to cancel one class because my classroom (the recital hall) will be used for the AMEA conference. I will later have to cancel another class because I have to get to the UK. We will have to see how the first actual day of teaching goes tomorrow. :) I'm excited!

Of grace

I am at UA because God was and is gracious.
I have friends here because God is gracious.
I play the piano because God gave me grace to do so.
I perform because God gave me the grace to do so.
I study because God gave me the grace to do so.
I teach because God gave me the grace to do so.
God grant me grace to accept myself & the things I cannot change :)