I am shocked! It’s surreal. I still don’t believe it. The feedback and comments I have received are a far cry from what I perceived the recital to be. I knew I have been playing well these past few weeks but whether I had improved or regressed, only the Winfield recital would reveal.
I was very surprised to hear some of the comments. I don’t often blow my own trumpet here on this blog. Some of the comments I received include:
- You had the audience in the palm of your hand for most of the time
- You kept the audience on the edge of their seat wondering what would happen next
- We have not heard that piano sound so beautiful for some time
- We were breathless and it was breathtaking.
- Your playing lifted my spirits.
- You have grown so much and now you don’t just play the piano, you are the instrument.
- You played an incredible, fabulous, wonderful, great, etc. recital!
- You’re finally playing at the doctoral level.
I had to wait to meet with my former piano professor to find out what exactly happened. I am glad he pointed out a lot of the things I did. I hope he puts them in an email because I still have a hard time letting it sink in. I’m playing with a good full tone. I’m taking more time and freedom at the piano. There was a certain serene and calm quality about the Schubert that was projected to the audience. I’m also finally giving myself a little more and the extrovert is slowly coming back. There is much more personality in my playing now. Perhaps dancing has helped my playing and performing.
With my curiosity peaked, I watched the DVD of my U of Alabama recital and I shocked myself. I have to wait to get home to review the Winfield recital. I already know it is the best recital of the five. To enjoy being on stage again, to be really calm in a recital and to love the piano again, confirm that the change of teachers was the correct decision. Now with all these experiences behind me, I’m ready for the next set of challenges and a new chapter at UA.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
End of another recital series
The end of another chapter... Funny the suggestion to blog came from one of my piano teachers. It is almost surreal to hear some of the comments about my recent recitals. I am having a difficult time coming to terms with what I perceived and still perceive, and comparing those to the feedback.
It was good to perform at SC again and get reacquainted with the piano in Messenger. After many years away and playing on different pianos, I could now detect some of the strengths and weaknesses of that piano. I struggled with the dynamic level of the piano and that it wouldn’t play any louder. I knew I had to bring my level of dynamics down to match it but still play with a nice tone. I have been working diligently to play with a full tone without pressing or being wimpy.
Tuesday October 23rd was a strange day for me. I was pretty tired from the weekend and an overcast sky the day before didn’t help. I did not practice as much as I intended to the few days prior to the recital because I had so many people to see and catch up with. I studied the score when I had a chance. I had a headache for most of the day but decided to continue with my recital routine. I have found out that evening recitals work best for me as I am able to take a nap in the afternoon. The ability to be relaxed enough to sleep is a blessing!
Prior to the recital I told myself, I just needed to have 95% accuracy tonight and allowed myself room for failure and mistakes. It was great to have Meagan help with my dress and getting my hair pinned properly. Fun times! I was pretty pleased with the Bach Capriccio although the fugue had some slips due to unexpected (expected) interruptions from the audience. I have had two note perfect performances of the same fugue but both weren’t recorded so I can let this one go.
Debussy was a challenge to play at SC. I have memories of myself being the awkward teenager there and how was I supposed to project the sensual. At the same time, I knew without sensuality and languidity the pieces would be a flop. I had a great time playing the first two movements but somehow struggled with the third. I left the stage feeling pretty discouraged for whatever reason. I collected myself at intermission and reminded myself that I had successfully completed 4 recitals, tonight would be no different. I wanted the adrenaline and excitement of a bigger audience but the people that cared about me were already out there. I couldn’t and shouldn’t ask for more.
Just before walking out to play the Schubert, I had this attack of “what ifs”. What if I forget? What if I mess up this or that? I looked back on the journey for this sonata, from the moment I decided to program this, learning and fighting for it. I had fought hard to perform this piece musically and emotionally. It is because of this piece that I met many people, had many discussions, listened to umpteen recordings and shed a lot of tears. It would be a waste to lose heart at the last recital of the series. I immersed myself in this very reflective state and started the piece, just the piano and I. The one thing I noticed is there was always dead silence in the hall; not a chair squeaked, not an audible breath, especially at the end of the first two movements.
I ended the recital securely and went on to greeting my guests. For the first time, I had to walk around and compose myself after a recital. I wasn’t quite ready to meet everyone and hear the feedback. I thought it had gone okay only.
It was good to perform at SC again and get reacquainted with the piano in Messenger. After many years away and playing on different pianos, I could now detect some of the strengths and weaknesses of that piano. I struggled with the dynamic level of the piano and that it wouldn’t play any louder. I knew I had to bring my level of dynamics down to match it but still play with a nice tone. I have been working diligently to play with a full tone without pressing or being wimpy.
Tuesday October 23rd was a strange day for me. I was pretty tired from the weekend and an overcast sky the day before didn’t help. I did not practice as much as I intended to the few days prior to the recital because I had so many people to see and catch up with. I studied the score when I had a chance. I had a headache for most of the day but decided to continue with my recital routine. I have found out that evening recitals work best for me as I am able to take a nap in the afternoon. The ability to be relaxed enough to sleep is a blessing!
Prior to the recital I told myself, I just needed to have 95% accuracy tonight and allowed myself room for failure and mistakes. It was great to have Meagan help with my dress and getting my hair pinned properly. Fun times! I was pretty pleased with the Bach Capriccio although the fugue had some slips due to unexpected (expected) interruptions from the audience. I have had two note perfect performances of the same fugue but both weren’t recorded so I can let this one go.
Debussy was a challenge to play at SC. I have memories of myself being the awkward teenager there and how was I supposed to project the sensual. At the same time, I knew without sensuality and languidity the pieces would be a flop. I had a great time playing the first two movements but somehow struggled with the third. I left the stage feeling pretty discouraged for whatever reason. I collected myself at intermission and reminded myself that I had successfully completed 4 recitals, tonight would be no different. I wanted the adrenaline and excitement of a bigger audience but the people that cared about me were already out there. I couldn’t and shouldn’t ask for more.
Just before walking out to play the Schubert, I had this attack of “what ifs”. What if I forget? What if I mess up this or that? I looked back on the journey for this sonata, from the moment I decided to program this, learning and fighting for it. I had fought hard to perform this piece musically and emotionally. It is because of this piece that I met many people, had many discussions, listened to umpteen recordings and shed a lot of tears. It would be a waste to lose heart at the last recital of the series. I immersed myself in this very reflective state and started the piece, just the piano and I. The one thing I noticed is there was always dead silence in the hall; not a chair squeaked, not an audible breath, especially at the end of the first two movements.
I ended the recital securely and went on to greeting my guests. For the first time, I had to walk around and compose myself after a recital. I wasn’t quite ready to meet everyone and hear the feedback. I thought it had gone okay only.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
YES! This is IT!
"YES!" A big, one word immediately off-stage after Schubert. What a triumph to end the piece successfully! The recital was a blast and I thorougly enjoyed playing it. Usually I mess up on endings, BUT today I finished every piece strongly and under control. I felt so comfortable on stage today and I have missed that feeling for almost two years. (Of course, with this much adrenaline in my system I won't be falling asleep anytime soon, although my eyes are getting very tired.)
I had to struggle with some nerves with the Bach, but I am happy with the way it turned out. It will take some closer study of the minor movements to improve it. I fought for the fugue and it was worth it. I have been always concerned with Debussy's Estampes but I knew I had to let go and allow it to fall in its place. I was very surprised at how well this set went. I also allowed myself to explore the sensual in the habanera. I don't think I've ever played it better. The Jardins started way faster than I practiced it but it was expected and I just let it happen. I missed some stuff in the ending and that was okay because I ended the piece nicely. I know I'll get it in Winfield.
The Schubert sonata is and definitely was the gem of the recital. Although I'm not usually a person who strives to prove herself, this time a lot of things hung on its successful performance. My biggest struggle with this piece is physical - I get extremely thirsty by the 4th mvt. I did tank up the whole day in preparation for this. During the performance, I was slightly annoyed at someone coughing almost always at the wrong moments. I didn't let that get to me as I felt so comfortable on stage and musically everything was knitting together. I controlled the musical and emotional elements well tonight. I would catch myself smiling during the last mvt. I am thrilled I got most of the chords, (above 95% average is good enough for me) and the technical challenges. I nailed the ending as I intended to.
I hope this recital shows the UA School of Music something. I made the best decision in changing teachers. (I don't hate my former teacher although this person may think so. I wish she could have celebrated my success with me tonight.) I can finally play the piano to my fullest potential and exploit the range of color I am capable of producing. I can play without getting tensed or injured at the piano. In fact, my fingers, arms and shoulders feel wonderful even after this marathon. I can play using my musical instincts and trust my judgments during a performance. My confidence was not compromised. Most of all, I know I did play my best today and I wouldn't have done anything differently. Soli Deo Gloria.
I had to struggle with some nerves with the Bach, but I am happy with the way it turned out. It will take some closer study of the minor movements to improve it. I fought for the fugue and it was worth it. I have been always concerned with Debussy's Estampes but I knew I had to let go and allow it to fall in its place. I was very surprised at how well this set went. I also allowed myself to explore the sensual in the habanera. I don't think I've ever played it better. The Jardins started way faster than I practiced it but it was expected and I just let it happen. I missed some stuff in the ending and that was okay because I ended the piece nicely. I know I'll get it in Winfield.
The Schubert sonata is and definitely was the gem of the recital. Although I'm not usually a person who strives to prove herself, this time a lot of things hung on its successful performance. My biggest struggle with this piece is physical - I get extremely thirsty by the 4th mvt. I did tank up the whole day in preparation for this. During the performance, I was slightly annoyed at someone coughing almost always at the wrong moments. I didn't let that get to me as I felt so comfortable on stage and musically everything was knitting together. I controlled the musical and emotional elements well tonight. I would catch myself smiling during the last mvt. I am thrilled I got most of the chords, (above 95% average is good enough for me) and the technical challenges. I nailed the ending as I intended to.
I hope this recital shows the UA School of Music something. I made the best decision in changing teachers. (I don't hate my former teacher although this person may think so. I wish she could have celebrated my success with me tonight.) I can finally play the piano to my fullest potential and exploit the range of color I am capable of producing. I can play without getting tensed or injured at the piano. In fact, my fingers, arms and shoulders feel wonderful even after this marathon. I can play using my musical instincts and trust my judgments during a performance. My confidence was not compromised. Most of all, I know I did play my best today and I wouldn't have done anything differently. Soli Deo Gloria.
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