The end of another chapter... Funny the suggestion to blog came from one of my piano teachers. It is almost surreal to hear some of the comments about my recent recitals. I am having a difficult time coming to terms with what I perceived and still perceive, and comparing those to the feedback.
It was good to perform at SC again and get reacquainted with the piano in Messenger. After many years away and playing on different pianos, I could now detect some of the strengths and weaknesses of that piano. I struggled with the dynamic level of the piano and that it wouldn’t play any louder. I knew I had to bring my level of dynamics down to match it but still play with a nice tone. I have been working diligently to play with a full tone without pressing or being wimpy.
Tuesday October 23rd was a strange day for me. I was pretty tired from the weekend and an overcast sky the day before didn’t help. I did not practice as much as I intended to the few days prior to the recital because I had so many people to see and catch up with. I studied the score when I had a chance. I had a headache for most of the day but decided to continue with my recital routine. I have found out that evening recitals work best for me as I am able to take a nap in the afternoon. The ability to be relaxed enough to sleep is a blessing!
Prior to the recital I told myself, I just needed to have 95% accuracy tonight and allowed myself room for failure and mistakes. It was great to have Meagan help with my dress and getting my hair pinned properly. Fun times! I was pretty pleased with the Bach Capriccio although the fugue had some slips due to unexpected (expected) interruptions from the audience. I have had two note perfect performances of the same fugue but both weren’t recorded so I can let this one go.
Debussy was a challenge to play at SC. I have memories of myself being the awkward teenager there and how was I supposed to project the sensual. At the same time, I knew without sensuality and languidity the pieces would be a flop. I had a great time playing the first two movements but somehow struggled with the third. I left the stage feeling pretty discouraged for whatever reason. I collected myself at intermission and reminded myself that I had successfully completed 4 recitals, tonight would be no different. I wanted the adrenaline and excitement of a bigger audience but the people that cared about me were already out there. I couldn’t and shouldn’t ask for more.
Just before walking out to play the Schubert, I had this attack of “what ifs”. What if I forget? What if I mess up this or that? I looked back on the journey for this sonata, from the moment I decided to program this, learning and fighting for it. I had fought hard to perform this piece musically and emotionally. It is because of this piece that I met many people, had many discussions, listened to umpteen recordings and shed a lot of tears. It would be a waste to lose heart at the last recital of the series. I immersed myself in this very reflective state and started the piece, just the piano and I. The one thing I noticed is there was always dead silence in the hall; not a chair squeaked, not an audible breath, especially at the end of the first two movements.
I ended the recital securely and went on to greeting my guests. For the first time, I had to walk around and compose myself after a recital. I wasn’t quite ready to meet everyone and hear the feedback. I thought it had gone okay only.
It was good to perform at SC again and get reacquainted with the piano in Messenger. After many years away and playing on different pianos, I could now detect some of the strengths and weaknesses of that piano. I struggled with the dynamic level of the piano and that it wouldn’t play any louder. I knew I had to bring my level of dynamics down to match it but still play with a nice tone. I have been working diligently to play with a full tone without pressing or being wimpy.
Tuesday October 23rd was a strange day for me. I was pretty tired from the weekend and an overcast sky the day before didn’t help. I did not practice as much as I intended to the few days prior to the recital because I had so many people to see and catch up with. I studied the score when I had a chance. I had a headache for most of the day but decided to continue with my recital routine. I have found out that evening recitals work best for me as I am able to take a nap in the afternoon. The ability to be relaxed enough to sleep is a blessing!
Prior to the recital I told myself, I just needed to have 95% accuracy tonight and allowed myself room for failure and mistakes. It was great to have Meagan help with my dress and getting my hair pinned properly. Fun times! I was pretty pleased with the Bach Capriccio although the fugue had some slips due to unexpected (expected) interruptions from the audience. I have had two note perfect performances of the same fugue but both weren’t recorded so I can let this one go.
Debussy was a challenge to play at SC. I have memories of myself being the awkward teenager there and how was I supposed to project the sensual. At the same time, I knew without sensuality and languidity the pieces would be a flop. I had a great time playing the first two movements but somehow struggled with the third. I left the stage feeling pretty discouraged for whatever reason. I collected myself at intermission and reminded myself that I had successfully completed 4 recitals, tonight would be no different. I wanted the adrenaline and excitement of a bigger audience but the people that cared about me were already out there. I couldn’t and shouldn’t ask for more.
Just before walking out to play the Schubert, I had this attack of “what ifs”. What if I forget? What if I mess up this or that? I looked back on the journey for this sonata, from the moment I decided to program this, learning and fighting for it. I had fought hard to perform this piece musically and emotionally. It is because of this piece that I met many people, had many discussions, listened to umpteen recordings and shed a lot of tears. It would be a waste to lose heart at the last recital of the series. I immersed myself in this very reflective state and started the piece, just the piano and I. The one thing I noticed is there was always dead silence in the hall; not a chair squeaked, not an audible breath, especially at the end of the first two movements.
I ended the recital securely and went on to greeting my guests. For the first time, I had to walk around and compose myself after a recital. I wasn’t quite ready to meet everyone and hear the feedback. I thought it had gone okay only.
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