My journey to freedom (5): The promise continues, the restoration begins

Some of you who visit this blog are musicians and will be wondering why there are so many posts on spiritual healing. I strongly believe my musical skills are a blessing and an anointing from God. I have tried to run away (and sometimes still want to) from being a music major but I know I need to finish my DMA to do what He wants.

I felt a call to play the tambourine again last Thursday and the word "fire" wouldn't leave me. I had to pick up some music for my students and there it was, right on the counter - a wooden, double jingle tambourine. I bought it. The ribbons would be the colors symbolic of fire. When I thought about this, I remembered I stopped playing & learning the tambourine when the bullying started in school. Although I played it occasionally, it was never quite the instrument. It's time for restoration. Last Sunday, I joined the worship team with the tambourine and danced with it. How freeing!

More and more people are coming up to me these few days, saying my name shouts praises of what God is doing in my life. I respond by saying "I know" which rather surprises them. It is a solid reminder of a promise given to me almost exactly ten years ago on my eighteenth birthday. Thank my paternal grandmother for my name. Here's the story of how my name came about: I was supposed to be born around Christmas time but ended up three weeks late. ;) "Gloria" was an obvious choice for my parents who wanted a Christmas name. My surname means "a deep lake or pond", and my first Chinese character means "to laud or praise in song/music" and followed by the character for "grace". To sum it up, my name is a deep lake/pond of grace to praise in song to the glory of God in the highest. This is God's promise to me.

Every time I give a recital, I try my best to have my Chinese name in characters on the poster. People who read it Chinese instantly know .. a Christian pianist. There is no mistaking this. Parts of the promise have unfolded, I have finished two degrees in music and if I get well soon, I can write my proposals so I can finish this last one. Through these, God will open doors. I believe God does not need to communicate with a language we can understand. When God's anointing is on the music, it will do whatever it needs to accomplish.

I don't fret much before a recital anymore, if I can help it. I try to have the recital hall to myself about an hour before. The piano will be prayed over and anointed, so will the hall. There are several hymns & praise songs I would play on the instrument - Refiner's Fire, My Shepherd will Supply My Need, My Jesus I Love Thee, Shout to the Lord & maybe another. I have found that after this session, the piano "obeys" me. It is now flowing under anointing and will respond to what I need it to do in the recital.

For anyone struggling with rejection & loneliness, the solo recital stage is a trial by fire. It has often been described by great pianists as the loneliest place in the world. Thankfully, I have managed to overcome a lot of that for the past few recitals. I can't wait for the next one (when I stop blogging & start practicing). I pray against the fear of memory slips. It's not that I will forget .. it's the worry and fear of it happening that takes away energy. The last recital series I had a prompter - move here, it's a D! LOL Sometimes I just have to let Him take over. I remember the first time I performed Bach's Italian Concerto, I wasn't the one playing and I don't know how my fingers got all those notes. I am more at rest at recitals and can fully enjoy myself. (I think God will be sending me students who will struggle with stage fright...)

In the end, I have to realize that God is the only one in the audience who really matters. This I haven't learned fully. After my former prof walked out on a dress rehearsal prior to my first DMA recital, I know the importance of what God thinks of me and who I am. My heavenly father gives me grace to fail and restores me. It is alright to miss a note, it is alright to forget. With this assurance, I've actually played better and more accurate recitals. He doesn't demand what He knows I cannot do. My best is enough. I have to keep my focus on this...