My journey to freedom (4): streams in the desert

"In that day," declares the LORD, "you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master.'" Hosea 2:16

The week of January 13-19 was declared as a week of fasting. I decided to fast from my computer from 10:00pm onwards. Very effective fast for me. On Saturday, I started laughing, sometimes for no obvious reason. Maybe cos it snowed in Alabama that morning. I'm not sure when exactly did this start. I was at the Tuscaloosa Ballroom winter ball and stay out late too. Had a crazy mambo lesson and as I was driving home, I chuckled now and then. I noticed every time I did chuckle, giggle or laugh, the power of a lie was broken. I had believed many lies that kept my shell up and kept me hiding from God (& everyone else).

I wanted to get to church early since we would have a visiting speaker, Hansie Steyn from South Africa for the revival services. I was pretty excited since I knew of many testimonies on healing that have happened there. Since I myself have experienced it twice, I was excited for other people to hear or have it themselves. I could sorta contain my laughter.. in church but I felt like laughing the whole time actually. During the evening service there was an altar call, but somehow I didn't feel ready to get out there. I wanted to talk to the speaker first about what it was and be prayed for the next evening. I wanted the pastors to be there when we prayed. The more laughter, the closer I was to what I wanted from God.

"There are no strangers, there are no outcasts, there are no orphans of God." Many times I have believed those to be lies instead of God's truth. Before I got out there the next evening, I remember saying to God, "Here I am, I don't want to hide anymore. You already know what's wrong. I want to see You and want You to come see me." No shame and no fear. There is NO condemnation in Christ but life and freedom.

I was among the first few people he prayed for and he motioned me to come to the middle. He also wanted the church to hear my confessions and what I wanted from God. I wanted the curses of Freemasonry, rejection, abuse, death to be broken over my life and I wanted them gone as well. As I told of what happened before, I felt such release just by openly telling all these. I had worked through forgiving a lot people the year before so I could also openly forgive them. Hansie said this, "For some reason, I like you. I don't know why, but I like this young lady." I laughed. No one has said that into a microphone before.

I mentioned going to China and Hansie confirmed that God is sending me there. God's anointing is on my life and all these curses had to be dealt with now. If not, China would be an awful experience and I'd be wounded badly. "God is going to use you to do some miracles there and you will come back and tell these pastors of all the wonderful things that happened". (I pray I'll be ready for that.)

As he started praying, I remember this clearly... I heard this voice saying "they don't like you" and I looked around me and behind me. I laughed as I saw the whole church praying for and with me. I thought, I can't believe that .. look at all these people, no one is leaving. Another lie was broken! At one point, Hansie asked if I had suicidal thoughts and suddenly, it dawned on me I did. They were always very subtle thoughts and what-if situations as I'm very inquisitive. I confessed them. I didn't want the spirit of death anymore. All these curses and spirits left.

The funniest part for me was the profession of God's truth. There had been 5 other women who had gone forward for prayer and Hansie had them repeat these too. I wasn't surprised. "I'm special, I'm worthy, I'm royal, I'm wonderfully made, I'm marvellously made, etc.." This one caught me off-guard: I LOVE being me! I had to chuckle when he had me say that.. it counters the statement "I hate being me" which I have often said.

I received many hugs and affirmations. How brave I was to share all these in public! I said it wasn't bravery.. God's love came and there was no more fear. This fulfilled the first dream I mentioned earlier. The lions in my life had to be dealt with in public and their downfall would be seen. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. What a better way with much accountability!

The next morning I received the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. My sister had sent it by surface mail only 12 days ago! It takes an airmail package about 10 days and surface 3-4 weeks. God must have sent His courier angels to deliver this one real quickly. As I began to read the book, many of the verses jumped out especially the ones from Hosea :) The romance may now begin.

So watch out, the extrovert is back, still a little shy but she's back! Gloria Gloria in excelsis Deo!