Last DMA recital

I finished playing my last DMA recital a couple weeks ago. It is rather surreal that it is over because I didn't feel like I was prepared for this series. I did not manage to have full practice recitals prior to the official recital on April 4. On top of that, I fell pretty sick with a bad cold and cough five days before the recital. I was thankful it wasn't the flu or tonsillitis but I was taking a good cocktail of drugs to get me through the week.

I had planned a rather ambitious program for the recital. Here is the order of my program:
Lin Yue Pei, Kang Ding Love Song
Antonio Soler, Sonata in E minor and Sonata in G major
Beethoven, Sonata in E minor, op. 90
Chopin, Barcarolle op. 60
Grainger, Beautiful Fresh Flower
Tcherepnin, "Chant" from Five Chinese Concert Etudes, op. 52
Schumann, Papillons, op. 2
Stephen Hough/Deng Yu-Sian, Pining for the Spring Breeze
Arensky, Etude on a Chinese Theme, op. 25 no. 3

April 4 did roll around and it was the first afternoon recital I had played. I felt like abandoning my own recital and crawling back into bed. I'm not sure whether this was due to being sick, having a hangover from the cough medicine or not feeling ready. I really did not want to be in the spotlight that afternoon. I had planned the recital fairly meticulously - posters, flowers (stage and foyer), program & notes, display (foyer), reception venue and menu, dress and everything. I had friends who helped and sponsors for the reception. I could feel the effects of the drugs as I felt my brain was not as alert. I just played the recital for me, if not for anyone else and just told myself "you can do this, one piece at a time". I am pleased with the recital, mistakes and all. When I walked out after the last piece, I said to myself, "It's over, it is finally over".

I played at Southwestern College in Winfield Kansas on April 13. I had a great time playing for my Winfield family although I was fairly worn out from writing my document. Never write a document/dissertation and play a recital at the same time. I was an introvert that evening, and again just played for me. I noticed the hall was dead silent and I knew I had their attention. It's easy and difficult to play at SC. They've heard me since my junior recital, so I better have improved or bring something new to the table each time. I think I played with better control, tone production and expressivity, but I will need to review the video and see.

I learned a lot from the recitals, maybe not really about piano playing as much as I learned about myself. I love performing now and have overcome my fear of being on stage. My perfectionism is surrendered and I am comfortable with my shortcomings. There is and always will be room for improvement. There is and always will be someone who plays better (and there are many out there!). I am just called to be a good steward of the measure which has been given to me, no more and no less.

With that said, I'm disappearing from the stage for some time. I may take the opportunity to retrain and fix some of my basic problems. It would alleviate the frustration I have had at the piano and allow me to reassess my piano playing. Don't worry, I'll keep playing at home!